2/21/11
Tangible
Quoting a friend: "If only my depression manifested itself in the form of a physical deformity, maybe then people could see it as a 'real' problem"
10/20/10
Remedial
There I was, ready to 'hit the hay' at the end of a long day. And I had the most explosive thoughts for a post...scratch that...I could have written two full entries. The body went night-night some time ago, but that brain...raring to go. Heck, I could have produced an entire book, forget this ninny Blog at the rate I was going. The synapses were outlandishly over performing and I was nowhere to be found. Tempted to force myself up to get all this down, yet convincing myself that I am SURE to remember all of this in the morning. Doesn't that sound so much better? Never works for me. :-(
Note to self: purchase a personal voice recorder. Ugh!
Note to self: purchase a personal voice recorder. Ugh!
9/22/10
Update
I painstakingly went over all the links to the right and updated these. So get to getten' and look at this marvelous collection of links. I tried to shoot for the easiest to breeze through yet quite comprehensive. Not to mention the IMPORTANT tools (advocacy and organizations) to get the best help possible. I've stumbled around...don't you do it. off you go...
9/5/10
Intense Introspect
It’s easy to see, only after having an actual diagnosis of ADHD in the family (understanding, watching and living it), the ‘why’ in my life.
Why I made some of the decisions throughout my life. I look back at when I was a teen and young adult , and I’m more clear on why I did what I did and said what I said. I’m rather embarrassed.
You see, we tend to think (process) differently as we have an eschew sense of logic.
And I’m not referring to just the typical youth-based learning process that everyone goes through. Everyone of us has made our share of great decisions, and we have our idiotic ones as well. But I’ve been going over things that have happened because of this twisted view, separate and sometimes inclusive of decisions made based on our environmental layout. And I’m talking about the ‘nurture’ in nurture vs. nature concept. Already, my having ADHD speaks for the ‘nature’ portion. Wading through the nurture part is so incredibly hard to focus on the thin line between nurture and the skewed perception offered up by having ADHD.
The easiest way that I can explain this is: by observing my two kids that deal with elements of growing up, maturing, and when ADHD dominates their decision making.
When an instance presents itself, there is this obvious point where you are thinking “what the heck are you thinking”? You’re looking at ‘stubborn’ and thinking ‘stupid’ (most common word people reach for) I get it! I’ve had people call me that all my life. And the thing of it is…it appears to be just that…like you haven‘t a brain in your head. That you have not "gotten" anything that was said to or shown to you. Then, as if to defy everyone (logic) you go and do or say it, anyways.
We have that damn thing (our brains…and yes, we have them) going a mile a minute, and we over think things or over simplify things. Totally glossing over the point, the truth, the logic. It isn’t an intentional act, though some folks tend to think it is (lack of patience and comprehension of our predicament). I can’t say that I blame anyone for relying on that as their only (though misguided) perception, but it’s the biggest problem we face. And we’ll find ourselves frustrated and/or constantly explaining or ‘justifying’ or actions to people.
I am reminded of a movie that I just watched, again, (great movie) “we are the Titans”. Where they depict an ideal of whites not wanting to befriend, understand, reach out to blacks because of a simple misguided fear. Think back (or present) to this, and see how it crippled the possibilities to bridge a gap and become more about a beautiful world, then a singular being. The more we understand each other the less we are just about ourselves and that small existence.
I am not sure that I want to involve myself with someone that doesn’t go beyond themselves to understand others. That is going completely backward in life, rather then forward. And I am all about forward (I get enough backwards). (ADHD joke)
Ooookay..so, I got a tad off track. Back to the past, and my thoughts on stuff done and said.
Here is another observation: Most of my errors, and that which I‘ve observed in like-ADHD’ers, is that these are largely harmless. Non-intentional. Most of these have effected us, and our progress. I’ve not noted any ADHD-based “thinking” being about malicious intent. On this, I feel good…save that for socio and psychopaths. The things I am thinking of generally make us have made an ass of ourselves, or go to that place where others think we’re “stupid”,
I am pretty much thinking that “stupid” is the person who doesn’t extend themselves to understand others.
Ignorance breeds fear, fear breeds anger.
When we make an ass out of ourselves, laugh with us not at us.
Remember the last time you made an ass out of yourself.
And WE look “stupid”??? J
Why I made some of the decisions throughout my life. I look back at when I was a teen and young adult , and I’m more clear on why I did what I did and said what I said. I’m rather embarrassed.
You see, we tend to think (process) differently as we have an eschew sense of logic.
And I’m not referring to just the typical youth-based learning process that everyone goes through. Everyone of us has made our share of great decisions, and we have our idiotic ones as well. But I’ve been going over things that have happened because of this twisted view, separate and sometimes inclusive of decisions made based on our environmental layout. And I’m talking about the ‘nurture’ in nurture vs. nature concept. Already, my having ADHD speaks for the ‘nature’ portion. Wading through the nurture part is so incredibly hard to focus on the thin line between nurture and the skewed perception offered up by having ADHD.
The easiest way that I can explain this is: by observing my two kids that deal with elements of growing up, maturing, and when ADHD dominates their decision making.
When an instance presents itself, there is this obvious point where you are thinking “what the heck are you thinking”? You’re looking at ‘stubborn’ and thinking ‘stupid’ (most common word people reach for) I get it! I’ve had people call me that all my life. And the thing of it is…it appears to be just that…like you haven‘t a brain in your head. That you have not "gotten" anything that was said to or shown to you. Then, as if to defy everyone (logic) you go and do or say it, anyways.
We have that damn thing (our brains…and yes, we have them) going a mile a minute, and we over think things or over simplify things. Totally glossing over the point, the truth, the logic. It isn’t an intentional act, though some folks tend to think it is (lack of patience and comprehension of our predicament). I can’t say that I blame anyone for relying on that as their only (though misguided) perception, but it’s the biggest problem we face. And we’ll find ourselves frustrated and/or constantly explaining or ‘justifying’ or actions to people.
I am reminded of a movie that I just watched, again, (great movie) “we are the Titans”. Where they depict an ideal of whites not wanting to befriend, understand, reach out to blacks because of a simple misguided fear. Think back (or present) to this, and see how it crippled the possibilities to bridge a gap and become more about a beautiful world, then a singular being. The more we understand each other the less we are just about ourselves and that small existence.
I am not sure that I want to involve myself with someone that doesn’t go beyond themselves to understand others. That is going completely backward in life, rather then forward. And I am all about forward (I get enough backwards). (ADHD joke)
Ooookay..so, I got a tad off track. Back to the past, and my thoughts on stuff done and said.
Here is another observation: Most of my errors, and that which I‘ve observed in like-ADHD’ers, is that these are largely harmless. Non-intentional. Most of these have effected us, and our progress. I’ve not noted any ADHD-based “thinking” being about malicious intent. On this, I feel good…save that for socio and psychopaths. The things I am thinking of generally make us have made an ass of ourselves, or go to that place where others think we’re “stupid”,
I am pretty much thinking that “stupid” is the person who doesn’t extend themselves to understand others.
Ignorance breeds fear, fear breeds anger.
When we make an ass out of ourselves, laugh with us not at us.
Remember the last time you made an ass out of yourself.
And WE look “stupid”??? J
9/24/09
What's Your Compulsion
Compulsion. The main derivative of ADHD. While most will tell you that it is distraction.
It is an interesting facet of the disorder, in that, it 'feels' like motivation, yet is so short-lived. (short-lived is subjective...reasoning coming up) Thus it's correlation to distraction.
Examples: For a long period of my life I drew, drew, drew. Always doodling, drawing and sketching something. I enjoyed it. I had friends asking me to draw something for them.
Then, I discovered it to be more of a hobby, then it to be something that I could make a career of. I found that out when faced with fierce competition in College, where it was blatant that I'd be 'forced' to do this rather than it being a past time.
I soon lost interest and have not drawn much since.
It was something that I did, once upon a time. (pre, teens, and post)
Then I was off on a poetry tangent. For years I found much to inspire writings. I have written well over 100 'poems' (I call them "words"). I had people ask me to write one for or about them. Can't force creativity, my words flowed from moments not requests. Before you knew it... the well dried up and I stopped writing. (20 somethings)
This wasn't a simple matter of writers block.
If only it were that simple.
It was simply something that I did, once upon a time.
It was all about compulsions.
You see. We (ADHD'ers) tend to have these "pockets of doing", where we are 'motivated' (sic) to do something, then wham! out of the blue...the moment is gone.
These pockets are compartmentalized into short bursts, medium, and long. My examples, above, being that of long.
Most of us (we with ADHD and those observing us) seem to remember the "short attention span' events. Of those we have many!
Another (medium) would be this Blog, it is everything to remember to add to it. I have had 1,000 thoughts come and go before I can remember to sit down and capture them and share with you. About another 100 things tripped me up on my way to the PC. (short bursts)
It is everything I am to sit down to write this, sort through the gazillion lines of thought on a subject, that I had just moments ago. And I mean everything!
Bah! who needs exercise? I am exhausted just being me, in my own head. ;-)
Let's touch on compulsion, in relation to life.
As adults.
Specifically 'long', and those "pockets of doing".
More often than not, you will find us struggling to keep a job or to keep a relationship going. We're (most of us) really not that good at it. For those of us who can..it is a major undertaking. It isn't because we don't want to, but that we have a harder time of it. A MUCH harder time.
One might categorize it, as getting bored with something, and in some respects that is a simplified description.
More to the point, is that we have this forward drive to go on to the next best thing. What's next? What's next? Like a panting puppy anxious for that treat you wave in front of him before you actually issue it. Anticipation, anxious, curious....new! More, more, more..
We are (as I've said in earlier posts) everywhere and nowhere.
I mentioned being 'forced' to do something.
On freedom of expression and being creative, most of us (ADHD'ers and not) would rather it come flowing freely, unfettered. But that extra element from being an ADHD'er brings out that ugly spot...defiance. Oh! We have it. (not to be confused with Oppositional Defiant Disorder)
We have become rather defensive in protecting our ego's after succumbing to the fact that we are different, and/or have been called "lazy, stupid, spacey..." (all those lovelies and more) and/or have been 'labeled'.
So..we have this interesting life of "I am on" "I am off", and we will frustrate the living hell out of everyone around us..including ourselves.
Don't think that we don't see ourselves doing it.
Do you think that we want to flounder about in life?
It might appear that way.
Some of us get it, some of us don't...yet, and still some of us will never get it.
Therefor: compulsion.
Now...what to do?
The million dollar question.
It is an interesting facet of the disorder, in that, it 'feels' like motivation, yet is so short-lived. (short-lived is subjective...reasoning coming up) Thus it's correlation to distraction.
Examples: For a long period of my life I drew, drew, drew. Always doodling, drawing and sketching something. I enjoyed it. I had friends asking me to draw something for them.
Then, I discovered it to be more of a hobby, then it to be something that I could make a career of. I found that out when faced with fierce competition in College, where it was blatant that I'd be 'forced' to do this rather than it being a past time.
I soon lost interest and have not drawn much since.
It was something that I did, once upon a time. (pre, teens, and post)
Then I was off on a poetry tangent. For years I found much to inspire writings. I have written well over 100 'poems' (I call them "words"). I had people ask me to write one for or about them. Can't force creativity, my words flowed from moments not requests. Before you knew it... the well dried up and I stopped writing. (20 somethings)
This wasn't a simple matter of writers block.
If only it were that simple.
It was simply something that I did, once upon a time.
It was all about compulsions.
You see. We (ADHD'ers) tend to have these "pockets of doing", where we are 'motivated' (sic) to do something, then wham! out of the blue...the moment is gone.
These pockets are compartmentalized into short bursts, medium, and long. My examples, above, being that of long.
Most of us (we with ADHD and those observing us) seem to remember the "short attention span' events. Of those we have many!
Another (medium) would be this Blog, it is everything to remember to add to it. I have had 1,000 thoughts come and go before I can remember to sit down and capture them and share with you. About another 100 things tripped me up on my way to the PC. (short bursts)
It is everything I am to sit down to write this, sort through the gazillion lines of thought on a subject, that I had just moments ago. And I mean everything!
Bah! who needs exercise? I am exhausted just being me, in my own head. ;-)
Let's touch on compulsion, in relation to life.
As adults.
Specifically 'long', and those "pockets of doing".
More often than not, you will find us struggling to keep a job or to keep a relationship going. We're (most of us) really not that good at it. For those of us who can..it is a major undertaking. It isn't because we don't want to, but that we have a harder time of it. A MUCH harder time.
One might categorize it, as getting bored with something, and in some respects that is a simplified description.
More to the point, is that we have this forward drive to go on to the next best thing. What's next? What's next? Like a panting puppy anxious for that treat you wave in front of him before you actually issue it. Anticipation, anxious, curious....new! More, more, more..
We are (as I've said in earlier posts) everywhere and nowhere.
I mentioned being 'forced' to do something.
On freedom of expression and being creative, most of us (ADHD'ers and not) would rather it come flowing freely, unfettered. But that extra element from being an ADHD'er brings out that ugly spot...defiance. Oh! We have it. (not to be confused with Oppositional Defiant Disorder)
We have become rather defensive in protecting our ego's after succumbing to the fact that we are different, and/or have been called "lazy, stupid, spacey..." (all those lovelies and more) and/or have been 'labeled'.
So..we have this interesting life of "I am on" "I am off", and we will frustrate the living hell out of everyone around us..including ourselves.
Don't think that we don't see ourselves doing it.
Do you think that we want to flounder about in life?
It might appear that way.
Some of us get it, some of us don't...yet, and still some of us will never get it.
Therefor: compulsion.
Now...what to do?
The million dollar question.
3/27/09
Internal Combustion
In a recent IEP meeting for my little one, whose teacher is one of those who: A. 'pretends' to understand, then has a permanent relapse to real self, B. refuses to acknowledge anything less then 'normal', C. is deliberately defiant, or D. all of the above. (I choose D)
This teacher pretended to be concerned that when my little ADHDer shook out his little hands as an energy releaser, that he "might injure his wrists". It took me and my husband great restrain not to either bust out laughing or gag, take your pick.
Do folks realize how transparent they are?
The SE teacher, on board, did an excellent job of defining exactly what he was doing, and why. Her second time describing the exact nature of ADHD and/or CAPD. Kudos!
To be sure, when I try and define it, I get the stink eye, as if I were justifying my child's actions or "odd" behaviors, like he could possibly help himself. It gets real old when these 'educators' refuse to be 'educated.
I went on to explain that having ADHD is like internal combustion (verified by my new best buddy, the SE teacher).
Have you ever had this excited feeling come over you? Imagine that you've just been told that you won the million dollar lottery...how thrilled, elated, exalted...excited you would feel. Flush with it. There you go.
Now, imagine that feeling several times a day.
Perhaps that just makes us among the happiest sorts around.
Weeeeeeeeee ha
This teacher pretended to be concerned that when my little ADHDer shook out his little hands as an energy releaser, that he "might injure his wrists". It took me and my husband great restrain not to either bust out laughing or gag, take your pick.
Do folks realize how transparent they are?
The SE teacher, on board, did an excellent job of defining exactly what he was doing, and why. Her second time describing the exact nature of ADHD and/or CAPD. Kudos!
To be sure, when I try and define it, I get the stink eye, as if I were justifying my child's actions or "odd" behaviors, like he could possibly help himself. It gets real old when these 'educators' refuse to be 'educated.
I went on to explain that having ADHD is like internal combustion (verified by my new best buddy, the SE teacher).
Have you ever had this excited feeling come over you? Imagine that you've just been told that you won the million dollar lottery...how thrilled, elated, exalted...excited you would feel. Flush with it. There you go.
Now, imagine that feeling several times a day.
Perhaps that just makes us among the happiest sorts around.
Weeeeeeeeee ha
2/13/09
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)